Give Your Immortality to Me
by Light to a Sound
Summary: Tidus and Yuna's story is drawing to a close and everyone is looking to him for council, but Auron won't tell them his story. Not because he's forgotten. He could never forget what he's seen. But who would understand? He doesn't have the words to say.
1. α: The Book of Sin

**Give Your Immortality to Me**

A Life of a Guardian

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><p><em>α: The Book of Sin<em>

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><p>They are nearing the end of the cave—Rikku knows because she catches a glimpse of the oranges and reds of a setting sun—when Auron falls back and turns to Yuna. He warns of danger, of fiends, of a path fraught with trials, as if they had lived their whole lives and walked the whole journey happy and free from fear. "She has sent fiends to test our strength," Auron tells them, and then he speaks the name "Yunalesca" and Rikku feels a shiver go down her spine.<p>

_What is it about that name? It's Yuna's name, isn't it?_ Rikku wonders. _Her namesake…_

Rikku was in Guadosalam when Seymour made his marriage proposal, and anyway she's heard the tales of Yunalesca before. She isn't ignorant of Yevon's teachings, even though the Al Bhed don't believe, so she knows that Yunalesca was the first High Summoner—the first person to ever defeat Sin.

Yunalesca's name bounces off the walls of Rikku's skull as they exit the cave. There, sure enough, a grand beast waits, ready to strike. Its claws are deadly, its magic potent. Auron and Tidus's swords ring in the air, but Rikku is hardly aware of the battle around her as she digs her own weapons into the beast's side. The noise of their fight is deafened under the echoing in her head.

_Yunalesca_.

Perhaps it's the fact that the woman is Yuna's namesake that makes the name so deadly. Or perhaps the problem comes is disloyalty; the others are sure to be shocked that yet another one of their idols has turned out to be a traitor. But no, that's not true is it? Auron said the fiends were a _test_ _of the summoner's strength_—a phrase that, while it implied danger, did not imply cruel intensions. There was nothing in his phrasing that implied that Yunalesca was a traitor, so where had she…?

Rikku's sure that it isn't just her natural distrust of Yevon. She's sure, completely absolutely sure, that it isn't a maester-hating, Yuna-loving bias that drew the conclusion that Yunalesca is their enemy. It certainly isn't her heritage that causes the name to taste of venom on her tongue.

_Yunalesca, yunalesca, yuna yuna yuna_.

_Yuna_.

By the end of the battle Rikku's feels her legs start to give away, her body too tired to stand. She just wants to sit down on the hard rock plateau and watch the sun for a while and try to think of ways to save her cousin's life. She tells the others this with a soft whine, but even as she makes her case, she knows that her words are only half-truths in a muddled world of gray. Her heart is catches in her throat, but not for grief at the coming loss of Yuna—she's known her cousin is to die for weeks and while she aches at the thought, there is a new weariness in her, eluding her understanding. She can't put her finger on why.

There's one thing she knows for sure: she's afraid. Again, not for the known, not for the death of her beloved summoner, but because she can't shake the feeling that there's _something _waiting in Zanarkand—some truth she can't yet reach. And while Rikku finds the unknown delightful in its mystery and possibility, a world wide open is also one that is all that much more terrifying. She knows that it's impossible to see what lurks in the dark without turning on the light, but as far as Rikku's concerned this particular metaphorical beast can go on living in the unknown, prowling the dark, undiscovered.

She puts on her best sassy voice and marches a good five feet up the slope, only to turn round on her heel and wait for the others to pass her by. As much as she'd like to storm away and hide her insecurities, she doesn't want to be the one to lead the way. Not to Yuna's death. Not to Yunalesca. Not to whatever was waiting for them in Zanarkand. She doesn't want to open Pandora's Box—not yet. Maybe never. Never again.

Lulu and Yuna and Kimahri head up the mountain, but when the boys fail to do the same, Rikku gets it in her head to go back down and drag Tidus and Wakka up by the ears. She strides back down, hands already outstretched, but stops short when she hears the low, distinctive sound of Auron's chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Tidus asks him. Rikku peeks at the boys from around the turn, feathered braids sliding off her shoulders to hang in the air.

_Why am I hiding? _she wonders to herself, but has no answer other than a quiet sense of privacy that stagnates the air.

It is drenched in Auron's words, in the quiet way that he declares "You remind me of myself," as if it's the most logical, most obvious thing in the world. But Rikku doesn't see the similarity. She loves Tidus and she adores Auron, but she can't think of two more different men—one rash, emotive and foolhardy, the other strong, thoughtful and secretive. Yet Auron's goes on to tell the boys about his first trek over Mount Gagazet, and the tale so perfectly parallels her own that she finds herself thinking _You're all of us, Auron. You speak for us all_. _We all feel the pain you once felt for Braska…_

"Huh, never would have figured," Wakka replies, as brass as ever, and though he seems half-shy at his words, Rikku wants to punch him in the gut for ruining the honest, heartfelt moment of Auron's tale. "Guess legendary guardians choke sometimes, too, yeah?"

The older man chuckles again and it is such a deep, meaningful sound that Rikku suddenly realizes just how she knows Yunalesca will turn out to be their enemy. She had heard it in Auron's voice. She had glimpsed something deep and dark entwined in the old guardian's past in the way he had spoken that single name.

"Legendary guardian?" he chides. "I was just a boy. A boy about your age, actually. I wanted to change the world, too. But I changed nothing. That is my story."

Rikku wishes in that moment, more than anything, for him to share his story—his _real _story—but instead the man turns his back to them and walks away. She doesn't have time to move, to hide, to pretend she wasn't eavesdropping on their conversation and as Auron passes, the heavy fabric of his robes brush against her side. They are not as heavy as the strange guilt that weights her heart.

A question occurs to her later, as she walks beside Yuna and watches the stern, closed faces of her companions, but the opportunity to ask has already passed. Still, she wonders. She wonders about Auron. She wonders about his past. She wonders how he came to think so little of his destiny. She wonders how he can possibly think that he has not changed the world because she knows, inexplicably, that's he has changed all of them.

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><p>Auron is determined not to tell his story. He isn't sure why he gave Wakka and Tidus the tiny glimpse that he did, but he reasons that it was a selfish moment—a way to let some of the lingering grief at Braska's death and the guilt of Jecht's sacrifice take their toll. It is hard sometimes to contain himself, to keep the pain from slipping into his voice when he speaks of them. Perhaps he is not yet strong enough to bear their destiny alone.<p>

But as he watches Yuna hold her weeping cousin close and as Tidus stares out into the ruins of a city that has been touched for a thousand years only by the dead and dying, Auron reminds himself that his suffering is not unique. He has seen many things in his time and discovered many truths, but the aching in his chest is nothing new, nothing exceptional. That same grief had visited all Spirans, brought inevitably in Sin's wake.

Even the parts of his life that _are _unique—the strange paths he walked that brought him a new understanding of Yevon and of Spira—are not his own. He finds in Braska and Jecht's children further reminders that his story has always been a part of someone else's. He is a mere witness in the inexplicable destinies of his beloved. Yet he is content and tells himself that Tidus and Yuna will take the road less traveled and find a way to break Spira's cycle of death and destruction. For that end, he would gladly suffer through all his pain and his loneliness again and again. For their sake. For Spira.

Soon they will reach Zanarkand and a choice will have to be made. It is not his choice—it has never been his choice—yet he is responsible what happens. His bones grow weary as he stands on the Gagazet plateau and he knows it is long past time to put himself to rest, but there is more to be done. He cannot rest quite yet. Sin is waiting. Sin has been waiting far too long.

_Can the cycle really be broken? _he wonders in a moment of profound weakness and doubt. He is not sure that he would be able to stand by and watch Yuna follow her father's footsteps and he certainly doesn't care to consider who she might choose to make her Final Aeon. He can only hope that his protégées chose to find another way. He can only hope there _is _another way.

He pushes his grim thoughts away. He has come this far. _They _have some this far. There is no turning back.

And yet his doubts linger. With a sinking heart, Auron realizes why. For all his struggles and all his resolution, he still cannot begin imagine a world without the fear of Sin.

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><p>A thousand years have passed since Yu Yevon began the summoning.<p>

In that time, countless men and women have lived their lives, ignorant of the dream which bore the fruit of their sorrow. Each child born was born not in the hope, joy and possibility, but in the shadow of Sin. Each man grew only to mourn his fellows, each woman to fear for her offspring.

No Spiran was ignorant of the threat Sin posed. He understood that it had the power and will to kill. Yet few gave Sin the credit it deserved; the monstrosity held sway over all of life as well. Even life's greatest joys were hung in the knowledge of Sin so that marriage was often not for true love but in an attempt to escape from sorrow, to live a while in companionship or else to leave the legacy of children behind in the unlikely chance that they would live to do the same. Those lucky few who lived to die of old age regretted it for all the loved ones they lost along the way.

Of course, some souls refused to rest. It was not unusual for a man to die feeling cheated of his purpose and his potential. Many of these souls grew to hate—a dangerous thing, for it twisted them beyond recognition. In time they came to live as monsters and joined Sin's ranks in a meaningless slaughter that could only end in a repeat of their fates.

The cycle was brutal. To remain whole, Spira shaped itself around the suffering and the pain. Lies were told, atrocities committed and many, many things were left unsaid, obscured by Yu Yevon's long shadow.

For those thousand years, all life began and ended with Sin.

Auron's was no different.

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><p><em>End<em>

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><p><em>Hey guys! Wow, it's been such a long time since I've even LOOKED at this site, so it feels very strange to be posting this. I haven't written any serious fanfiction in a long, long time and have been focusing on original works, but this story has been itching at the back of my brain for a long while. I also feel that this will serve as a little experiment-few authors ever really get much attention here, but I'm curious to see whether this will attract any followers. I'd also love some constructive criticism on my writing, so please feel free to leave any comments! Thank you and I hope you enjoy!<em>

Now for some necessary warnings before I continue with the story:

1.) This story will include chapters about a younger Auron. Final Fantasy canon does not tell us much about Auron's life before he met Braska. As a result, much of this story goes outside of canon, but I hope it doesn't cross the line into AU. Should I contradict canon, please let me know, though I can't promise I will change the story. Either way, if this or the inclusion of original characters (designed specifically for the story) is likely to offend your sensibilities, I suggest you turn back now.

2.) If romance story lines bother you, this story might not be up your alley. It will deal fairly heavily with the people Auron cares for and loves, which includes a good deal of romance.

2a.) If homosexuality bothers you, I suggest you turn back now.

2b.) If heterosexuality bothers you, I suggest you turn back now.

2c.) If mildly ambiguous sexuality bothers you, I suggest you turn back now.

2d.) If you're looking for a story about true love, one in which two characters love each other from a young age and never, ever question that or explore other venues, I suggest you turn back now. This story will have break-ups, changes in relationships and some ambiguity as to with whom a person really belongs. Deal with it.

3.) I have no idea how in-depth this story is going to go and thus cannot yet predict whether sexual content will be involved. Knowing me, there WILL be some vulgar language, however. You have been warned.

**-I do not own Final Fantasy X, nor any of its characters, ideas and story lines. This is not a commercial venture.-**


	2. γ:I  Clay Mold

**Give Your Immortality to Me**

A Life of a Guardian

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><p><em>γ: Book of Yoh<em>

Chapter I – Clay Mold

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><p>Auron was two when his parents died.<p>

As a boy, he often wondered what his mother and father had been like. The few memories he had of them were insubstantial and ephemeral; by the time he reached the age of five, they were almost completely gone. More than once, as he lay in bed at night, he dreamt of shadows moving out in the hall, just out of sight. Each time he awoke in a sweat, ready to run out and throw his arms out to his mother before he gradually remembered that she was gone—that he didn't even know her face.

Other orphans almost invariable found themselves in the care of the temples. The priesthood took care of these homeless children, molding their lives and disciplining their minds. Many went on to become priests themselves, bent in the name of Yevon, but Auron's life did not take him down that road. His older sister was a rebellious spirit who refused to take shelter in the temples and sought to keep a home of her own. She was thirteen years his senior, which seemed a lifetime to young Auron, but she only just barely managed to convince the local monks not to take them into custody, though they did still insist on sending them on to Bevelle where they would, at the very least, be safe and far from the shores of their parents' violent murder.

Auron grew up with a lot of questions—about Sin, about Yevon, about Spira; about where he came from and about the lives his parents had lived. Some he asked of the Bevelle priests when, once every week, he and his sister trekked to the temple to pick up charity rations. For the most part, these were the questions about he had about general things and the priesthood and the service of Yevon.

Some questions were a little more personal.

"Yoh, where were we born?" he asked one hot summer day as they sat on the high bridge, enjoying the companionable luxury of an ice cone.

"A small fishing town on the west coast."

"What was it called?"

His sister looked over him quietly, expression strangely blank. He couldn't say that he knew his sister's moods well, not at that age, but he instinctively knew that the question turned her from her usual, cheerful self. "It doesn't exist anymore, Auron," she said, as though that meant that its name no longer held any meaning.

"What happened to it?"

"What do you think happened, Auron?" She had already turned her face away and was staring down at the river bay below.

Auron didn't push the subject, didn't force his older sister to put the tragedy into words, but he would have liked to hear her talk about it. He would have liked hearing how his parents had died and to picture the rising tides, violent with Sin's fury. Most of all, he wanted to hear her tell tales of how his mother and father had valiantly protected Yoh and him with their lives. He felt that if he could only hear such a story from Yoh, he would somehow be able to remember what it felt like to have caring and loving parents.

But Yoh never told him any of these things. He was forced to look for answers elsewhere, to submit his inquiry to the temple. The next week, when Yoh had been led off into the inner chambers for council, he snuck away from the play yard and into the accounts office to learn what he could. It was only from a priest there that he ever learned for sure that the town had fallen to Sin.

"The books say that you were brought here from Telryn," a young, fragile-built priest informed him. He did not look up from the records laid out in front of him, but instead kept his eyes trained on the page as he spoke. "Looks tragic. We lost a whole band of Crusaders to Sin that day."

Auron looked expectantly at the young priest, standing on eager tip-toes despite the fact that he was not yet tall enough to read the books across the wide tabletop. The man did not seem to notice and leisurely turned a page, enthralled by whatever he found written there.

"Well?" Auron prompted.

"Hm?"

"What else?"

The priest's eyebrows knitted together, just visible under his long, stringy bangs. "That's all I can tell you, I'm afraid, 'lest you want numbers and figures. I can tell you what trade we made with Telryn if you care to know, but you'll have to wait while I find the proper books…

"No? I thought not." The man shook his head, pity seeping into his features. "Shouldn't you be asking these things of your sister, young Auron?" he asked, though his tone was innocuous enough.

That day, Auron had hoped to find answers, but at the priest's words, he realized that he was never to know and remember his parents. His questions were likely to continue to go unanswered. He felt defeated, sure that his life would continue unchanged, a persistent existence in the shadows of his sister and Sin. Yet that day _did _change his life. He would take his form from its mold.

As Auron took his leave from the priest, feeling hopeless and deflated, the man looked up from his books and called after that he and Yoh were always welcome in the temple. In days past, Auron had often promised other priests that he would talk over such offers with his sister, but that day he heard that the man's voice was one of obligation, not of tender understanding, and he knew to continue walking without heed.

He had expected his inquiry to take up most of the afternoon and almost feared that when he entered the chapel he would find Yoh was already there, arms crossed over an armful of food. On such occasions, she was like to be annoyed and overly inquisitive at his tardiness. He thanked Yevon that day that she was not there at all, but felt sure that if he went out to the yard to play with the other orphans, she would return and pull him away before he'd even had the chance to discover what game the other boys were playing. Instead he found an unoccupied corner of the chapel to curl up in and wait.

Yoh, however, took her sweet time and, restless and bored, Auron got up again within a matter of minutes to gaze at the various statues that circled the room. He wondered particularly at the statue of High Summoner Yocun, his sister's namesake. From the stories, he knew that she had been both a Crusader and a summoner. _She must have been very brave and very heroic_, he thought to himself. Yoh didn't pray much, but she had mentioned many times that their grandfather had been a disciple of Yocun. In fact, he had been so inspired by her that he had become a Crusader himself. He in turn was the only family member Yoh ever spoke of, and she always did so with regard. Their grandfather was her idol and Auron believed that as a result, Yoh looked up to her namesake too, whether or not she was willing to admit to it.

He bowed in front of Yocun's image, taking care to mimic the graceful, sweeping gestures of the other visiting faithful. He had seen the prayer done in a number of ways and he knew that many a summoner used his own personalized version as an insignia and an matter of art, but he always felt a little clumsy and awkward when he tried to do the same. Then again, going through the motions of the prayer _always_ felt awkward and he was always grateful when there was no one around and he could instead kneel or sit at the statues' feet and stare up at their carved stone faces. There was something vaguely comforting about being in their presence, but only when he wasn't under the scrutiny of the temple priests.

This frustration was the focus of his thoughts until he suddenly realized that in his preoccupation he had been neglecting to really pray at all. He blushed and ducked his head. _A prayer, then, _he thought, worried that he would be breaking some unspoken rule and committing a vulgar act if he didn't give thanks or ask for some favor while he bowed. _But what to pray for? _He was used to praying that he would one day remember his parents' smiling faces, but that prayer now felt wrong. _Oh yeah…_

_Yevon, Yocun, help me to be strong_, he thought as he bowed again. It was as good a prayer as any; he felt weak and lost, so why not ask the temple for strength? As an afterthought, he also prayed for his sister. Sometimes he thought she was too serious and worked too hard, so he prayed that she would learn to let go. Maybe if he grew strong enough and she let him, he could help her one day. He could be her knight. He liked to see her smile.

The temple door opened behind him, but Auron didn't turn away from Yocun's image until he heard the voice of the temple High Priest. "There you are," he said. "I was worried you'd been unable to find her."

"No sir," a man dressed in the uniform of a warrior monk replied. He was holding the hand of a girl about Auron's own age. She was a proud little thing; he could tell because though her clothes were in rags and though her face red and blotchy, she stood very straight and was staring unabashedly at the High Priest. A small Moomba doll dangled from her other hand, the only personal possession Auron could see. "The city is a maze, but we were able to track her down before she got very far."

"Silly child," the High Priest admonished as he moved towards the girl. "Why did you flee in the first place?"

She didn't reply, but when the man offered his hand, she reluctantly took it. Auron decided that she would do just fine at the temples. He would have to introduce himself next time he and Yoh came to visit, but for now it was probably better to just let her get settled in whatever room the priests had set aside for her. He turned back to Yocun and was just trying to decide whether to continue praying or go look for Yoh when he heard the little girl burst into tears.

"What is it _now_?"

Auron had never heard the High Priest speak with such a harsh tone, but then he had hardly seen the man. He did not often make an appearance and when he did, it was usually to espouse the teachings of Yevon and leave before anyone had the chance to ask questions. Still, it seemed impossible that a man of such high rank and great prestige could have spoken in such way to a little orphan girl. High Priests were the holiest of holy men according to temple teachings. _He must be having a really bad day, _Auron thought demurely.

The young girl struggled against the High Priest's grip, but before the holy man could scold her further, the warrior monk came and scooped her off the floor. "Perhaps I should escort her," he suggested. The priest nodded in reply and they both headed through the double-doors into the inner sanctum. Even as the doors closed behind her, the girl was still screaming, reaching back out into the hall. Auron followed her gaze.

"Wait!" he shouted and ran after the group, stopping only to scoop the girl's neglected doll from the floor.

When he caught up and handed the moomba toy up and into her waiting arms, he was met with a teary smile, but the girl choked over any thanks she might have given. He hoped he would see her again.

"That was probably the only thing she had left of her parents," Yoh informed him later, after she had wormed their way out of the temple. Thankfully, it was a busy day and the lanky man who always tried to convince Yoh to spend the night under Yevon's roof was busy helping to prepare the new girl's room. They had gotten some good food, too, Auron observed, looking down at the bag of potatoes tucked in his arms.

"You think?" he replied, focused more on dinner than the conversation at hand.

"I do," his sister replied not a little haughtily. "Lots of those kids don't have anyone left in the world—no father, no mother, no _older sister_—just old priests who don't know one child from the next. But they do have memories. They remember horrific deaths, things that keep them awake at night whether or not anyone is there to soothe the pain."

Auron ducked his head. He knew what his sister was getting at. Word spread easily enough in the temples; Yoh must have already learned of his investigation. "You heard, then?" he muttered sheepishly.

To his surprise, she stopped and turned to him, brown eyes warm and kind. "My little baby brother," she said, "I don't know what I'd have done without you."

He stared back at her, baffled. Just a moment before, he had been sure that she wanted him to confess to how much _he_ depended on _her_, not the other way around. He worried that the conversation would end even worse than expected.

"Listen, Auron," she continued, kneeling and placing her share of the bags on the walkway beside. "Priests are all men, no holier than you or me, no matter what they might claim and no matter what they might strive to become. They can't give you all the answers you're looking for and neither can I."

"But—"

"You're too young for all this," Yoh said with a brave smile, "but one day you'll understand."

_Understand what?_ Auron wondered.

He never found the answer to that question, not with a certainty that he trusted, but he thought of it often as he grew into adulthood. What had she wanted him to understand? Her own dark secrets? His role in the world? Had that moment been another product of her insistence that their past was better left in the dark? Had she wanted him to root himself in some happier, make-believe world?

"Forget our parents. You belong here, little brother, not in the forgotten past. You belong with me."

But Auron never was good at forgetting.

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><p><em>End<em>

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><p><em>So that's chapter one! As I said, it's going to be a long ride with a rather lot of OCs because, well... we don't know anything about Auron's childhood for sure. Again, if anything in this story goes against canon, feel free to let me know, though I can't promise it'll get fixed if it's a major plot point.<em>

_I really don't have much else to say... But hope some of you stay tuned for chapter two!_

**-I do not own Final Fantasy X, nor any of its characters, ideas and story lines. This is not a commercial venture.-**


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